One Ringy Dingy - dealing with THE phone company

One of the challenges of living in a very rural, remote area (sometimes referred to as BFE ), is that you don't have a lot of choices when it comes to service providers. Now, I realize that I should work on my addiction to technology, but I can't do without TV, internet, and phone service. Thus, my research into how best to stay "on the grid" led to certain revelations:

• I can get TV only via Satellite (easy enough to transfer my Direct TV account)
• I can only get internet via Satellite, and then only through HughesNet
• I can't get any cell-phone service, and my only choice is AT&T -- THE PHONE COMPANY

At first blush, I wasn't terribly dismayed about having a land-line again; but my dealings with the omnipotent phone company this week has brought back a flood of unpleasant memories, has plucked my last nerve, and has turned me into a angry wreck of a person.

Here's the situation - I need a phone installed in a house that has never had a phone installed, hence there is NO phone jack into which to plug a phone. Furthermore, I live in a "gated" community and any service provider would need a gate code to enter and get to my house, or they would have to call me (on the phone) to let me know that they were waiting at the gate and I would have to open the gate for them. And to state the obvious, I have no phone upon which the phone installer can call me to let me know I need to open the gate.

On Monday, I called the phone company to place my order. I explained the situation. My order was taken. I was told to expect an email confirmation along with a number to call to set up the installation time and give them a gate code.  HOWEVER, the email I received did not actually give me that option. Rather, it TOLD me when the installation would be (a date and no time). It did provide a number for me to call with any questions.

So, I called the number and talked to JoAnn. She couldn't quite grasp that the phone installer could not call me on the phone to come open the gate. I found this amusing considering the fact that the installer was coming to install the very phone upon which he would need to call me. Anyway, JoAnn could see no solution and referred me to the "customer service" number (800-288-2020 - you should try it sometime).

Well, the problem with customer service is that a robot anwers the phone, and Mr. Robot has a limited understanding of why you might be calling. As a matter of fact, he rattles off about half a dozen possibilities and if your issue doesn't fit neatly, you're out of luck. But apparently I'm dumb enough, or persistent enough, to try to make Mr. Robot understand me. At about 145/95, I gave up.

Next day (today), I try the number from the email again. This time I get Nate who doesn't speak English very well. He also is flummoxed by my situation, which he describes as "complex." I tell Nate that the situation has not so far been "complex" for any other service provider -- that's because other providers have been able to get a message to their installer about the damn gate code.

Nate has given me two other numbers to call and I admit that I have not tried them. I'm scared to.

Instead, I decided to call the local AT&T number, hoping that installers would be dispatched from that office and that they would be willing to relay a simple message. So, I went online to whitepages.com, looked up the local office, and gave them a call.

Guess what, the local phone company's phone has been disconnected!