A Nursing Home Visit
The visit is bad because my mother is not there anymore.
Bad because we can't talk anymore. Everything we say or do now is about sickness or
a current crisis.
Bad because she's in a sad place surrounded by sad people.
Bad because the woman in the room next door cries out "help me, help me" all the time.
My mother doesn't hear what people say to her. Or it doesn't register. So she thinks people just
come and go and don't say anything. Don't explain what they're doing.
She doesn't make any attempt to help herself.
She lays in bed or sits in her wheelchair.
When I get there, an unopened dinner tray is on her bedside table. She's always sick and
doesn't want to eat.
She smells bad.
She is sitting in shit.
An aide comes and cleans her up and then her room smells so bad I can't be in it.
It's bad because there's nothing to do now but stare at her and feel really really sad.
It's sad because the light is gone and all that's left is waiting.
I just read this. I always admire your mom's energy and independent! Please don't feel sad, because she has you, a precious daughter! ~from monica
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