Looking for happiness in hard times

This has been a particularly hard season. I'm thankful to be employed, to be out of debt, to be well - but lots of people are not. Lots of people. And the unrelieved grind of misfortune is a true test for
 my disposition.

I'm employed but under-employed, and certainly waiting for the ax to fall. Worse than the anticipation, though, is working in an office where morale is rock-bottom after the lay-offs of about 2/3 of our fellow-employees and a big loss of business. Forty hours a week of demoralization takes its toll no matter how upbeat you try to force yourself to be.

That's one thing, but then superimpose family health problems that just seem to keep coming, and I'm about tapped out of happy.  My mother's sudden decline has been my biggest challenge. Besides having to schedule appointments, order medical equipment, arrange for care-givers, and getting on top of financial matters, it's just plan sad to see her so changed. I'm getting a forced education in the struggles of the elderly and I foresee this same struggle for myself in the decades to come.

My ex is also very ill - struggling with the effects of radiation and chemo treatments for his cancer. Although we two are no longer close, I do feel compassion. And I'm sad for our grown children who deal with this more closely than I. One doesn't expect to see a parent so gravely ill at such a young age.

And one certainly doesn't expect one's child to face serious health challenges. But my step-son is now up against some complications from a heart surgery he had when he was only a few weeks old. We're all praying that these complications have an easy fix and that his prognosis is for a long and healthy life. Right now, it's the scary phase. The unknown.


We're right on the cusp of the holiday season. Thanksgiving is a week from today. We have much to be thankful for, but I'm having to dig deep for a genuine feeling of joyful thanksgiving. That's bad and I feel guilty about it.

Let me remember to love the miracle of every moment. Let me keep perspective about my place in this world. And although I am alone, I am not alone. My wish is for this hard season to pass without any more hardships, and for the weeks ahead to bring a new cycle of joyful beginnings.